Rock'n the Hair

Apparently the hair I have left feels so soft, it's like petting a puppy. Weird.

Christmas Wrapup

Another busy busy Christmas is in the books. Well, not completely. We still have a family Christmas party on Saturday down in Illinois. It should be a ball, the family white elephant gift exchange is always an interesting present experience.

For Christmas, we did our normal Christmas tradition. On Christmas Eve we exchanged presents, we went to her church for the late night service, and packed up the house in preparations for driving down to Illinois for visiting my family for Christmas. Let me tell ya how thrilled I was about getting up and driving to Illinois at 4am. Yea, not a huge fan of mornings. The upshot of that was all 4 dogs were tired and slept most of the way down. Unlike on the way back when the puppy was on a mission to get into my lap while I was driving. He's cute, I'll give him that. But he can be a bit annoying at times. Puppy + Lap + Driving = a challenging, but cute, driving experience.

(By the way, the puppy is up for adoption: http://search.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=9934223
we are fostering him right now before he finds his permanent home.)

Upon arrival at home, the cats were happy to see us. Not so happy to see the dogs of course. I bet they were hoping we would "forget" them somewhere so they could have the house to themselves. The present they gave the house for Christmas was to use something in the living room as a toilet. Not sure what they relieved themselves on (it wasn't the litter box), but it smells like its near the couch. Bad kitties. The house gave us a Christmas gift too, a clogged drain. The main line going out of the house is clogged. again. So the water from the washer found it's way to wander over the basement floor. This time, I am not going to hire a plumber. I know where the clog is and all I need to fix things is a drain auger. So after work today, I'm off to Home Depot to get one to save the day. Getting the auger and using it successfully once will pay for itself right away. Because of the age of the house, the main drain line cloggage is a yearly/semi-yearly event. Fixing it myself will be much cheaper than hiring a plumber every time it gets backed up.

And now back to training. Two days of work, then back to Illinois for the weekend and returning in time to hit the new years party.

On Pizza, Delivery, & Tips

Sitting waiting for Vista SP1 to install and for my pizza to get here, I have a question to ask my readers/friends/strangers regarding tips, fees, and deliveries.

When ordering my pizza I noticed a new addition to the bill, a delivery fee. I am not a huge fan of added fees. They appear everywhere and the main purpose of those fees look to be buffing profits at the cost of consumers. They don't really add much to the service or product they are added on to. My hope would be that the fee would be to get the drivers some sort of tip for folks who would not tip. Not tipping delivery drivers sucks for them since they are adding to the service by bringing the food to you and thus they deserve a kudos of some sort.

I see this delivery fee as a mandatory tip. It is similar to the mandatory 18% tip some restaurants charge for serving large groups. When you pay that bill, you wouldn't add an extra 18% tip on top of the bill and the mandatory 18% tip. You would incorporate the mandatory tip into the tip you would ultimately leave.

Taking this into mind, what I did for the tip was give my normal 20% of the total. In this order, it would total a $3 tip. Since the fee (aka the mandatory delivery tip) is $1.50, the additional total I tipped is $1.50.

My question for you, is that an OK thing to do? What tip would you leave on a $15 pizza delivery with a $1.50 delivery charge?

Random Thoughts Part 1

Some random thoughts running through my head:

• Tip #1 for new husbands: When shoveling snow during winter, take off the ring before partaking in snow removal.
• Sub-tip: Be sure to put ring back on after said snow removal
• Sub-Sub-tip: On the correct finger
• "Offline" should only be used in meetings when referring to an Internet or network device or computer being removed from the network or taken out of service. It does not mean we'll talk about it after the meeting. Instead of "we'll take this offline" how about "we'll talk after the meeting"
• I wonder if there is something I could hook the dogs up to to have them help clear the sidewalk after a snow. A dog-plow.
• If it squeaks and my dogs are around, the mean time to failure for the little squeaker can be measured in minutes... with the puppy, seconds.
• It's going to be a white Christmas. Kick ass!
• Nintendo DS game cartridges are apparently built tough. They can survive a puppy chewing them and still work.
• It's weird that I have been eating wheat noodles like candy tonight. No sauce, no seasoning, just the noodles. I really like noodles. (Cooked noodles of course)
• A good topic for the Tuesday essays would be if you are running for President, what would be your key issues on your platform.
  

Mister Splashy Pants

In an effort to keep this blog as devoid of content as possible, it's time to vote for Mister Splashy Pants!

Greenpeace has adopted a whale it seems and needs a name for it. They do have a long list of good names, some of which I will save for later for possible pet names, but one of them takes the cake: Mister Splashy Pants. How is that name not a winner!? Go vote for Mister Splashy Pants now!

http://www.greenpeace.org/international/campaigns/oceans/whaling/great-whale-trail/gwt-vote

Coding, Coding, Coding

I'm sitting here, coding away, and had a thought. I have not updated my blog yet! Well, here goes.

My first month back on the job is as exciting as I thought it would be the second time around. It feels good to get a mental refresh of things and I am pumped to be coding again. I know, I'm a dork.

The other big news is a foster dog we will be getting soon, Nudge. Here's a picture of the little guy.

He will be around 8 weeks old when we get him. He's a husky/German Shepard mix like Ulric, so they should be able to get along like a house on fire. Oh the carnage around the house they will bring.

Nudge, like Ulric, had kind of a rough start to life. He was abandoned at a young age along with his 3 litter mates... who are now deceased. :( Yeppers, Nudge is the sole survivor of a disease that took his mates. He was rather down about it for a time, but the rescue group helping him out brought in 3 kittens to keep him company. From the sounds of it, the kitten trick has worked wonders for him. Good for us, we now know he will work with our cats too.

Stay tuned for more Nudge info and goodness, and adoption details if you feel so inclined to have a new, tiny (but growing!) addition to your house.

Ok, that's weird

Oh the things I find on the Internet while waiting for trick or treaters.

Halloween: Live Blogging!

It’s Halloween! So I’m sitting downstairs, listening to NPR, Hattie is licking my head, and now I am attempting to prove how uncool I by live blogging Halloween! While folks come to my door, I’ll document it here as it happens. Stay tuned!

6:01 pm After realizing that the motion light out front was not on after seeing folks pass the house by, the light has been turned on.

6:03 pm First trick-or-treater of the night! A trio of three young girls with no costumes. Took a few handfuls of treats.

6:16 pm Four more, a grim reaper, a packer fan, a witch, and a no-costume. Surprisingly, Ulric has not been as barky as I thought he would be.

6:49 pm Another trick or treat! A few toddlers dressed as a super monkey, giraffe, tigger.

7:00 pm Two ghouls, Ulric in full barky mode

7:13 pm Group of 5, two young toddlers and a few middle school age. Mostly skeleton costumes. Got a shout out from one of the trick or treaters for supplying Nerds as a candy.

7:14 pm Out back-yard neighbor came by as another Tigger!

7:21 pm Teenagers attack! Well, came for treats at least. Good thing is they actually made an attempt to dress up. Well, all but 2 of ’em.

7:22 pm Wife comments on the bad spelling and grammar on the live blogging. Fixed up a few bits.

7:24 pm A farmer girl! Complete with little stuffed pig and spider

7:33 pm ELVIS! Had an Elvis (with a mic!), dancer, two witches, and a toddler as a chicken

7.41 pm ninja & witch. Ninja did not attempt to kill me for the candy. Was kind of a disappointment. Would have got more bonus points if I couldn’t see him and he appeared in a puff of smoke ninja style. That too much to ask?

7.42 pm buzz lightyear, two other middle-schoolers, and an infant as a lion. The infant made me forget what the other two middle schoolers were dressed up as

7.43 pm A princess and a witch! Witches are pretty popular this year

7.44 pm Broadway’s best playing on the laptop to give some background. They’re playing the complete cast recording of Phantom of the Opera. Good stuff for Halloween.

7.46 pm A gypsy and a pirate. Pirate vs. Ninja battle is now even at 1-1

7.54 pm Witch, pirate, and a factory. Yeppers, a gal dressed up as a factory. Mega points for originality. Bonus points as their dog was dressed up like a ghost too. Pirates now up 2-1 vs Ninja. Well, ninja that I have seen. They are tricky folks.

8.17 pm Two little fairies

8.27 pm Probably the last group of the night, 5 cold trick or treaters. How did I know they were cold? They had coats on over their costumes. It looked like some orange was involved somewhere in the costume, but the coat hides all.

8.30 pm Last call has been sounded, that wraps it up for Halloween 2007! I am off to go get a wicked sugar high off the left overs. :-)

My Favorite Thing(s)

Late again! Woot!

Well, Lucia gave me the idea for what I prize the most. It is my pet. Specifically, my pet’s ashes. :-(

For my birthday, I went dog sledding up in Minnesota. It was an amazing experience and I brought back a wonderful birthday gift, Medb.

She had a genetic disorder that shortened her life to a too-short 5 months. Her ashes are all we have left of her. I miss her so much, I can’t really write much more without crying.

Awesome Dog Poster

Caught this over on reddit.com. It’s a great poster for an awesome dog.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sugarfreak/1715199256/

Tuesday Essay: My People

I’m late to the gun for the Tuesday Essay, Who are your people? I’ve been late since I’ve been spending a lot of time pondering this. When you spend 1 hour or more a day on the bus, you have a lot of thinking time. Thinking and looking over the past few years of my live, I’ve been scanning over the three main groups of friends I’ve had to see what it is about them that makes me fit in. Why the hell do I fit in with these folks when I have a hard time feeling connected to a group.

The first solid group I would consider my people are my camp friends from my years in Boy Scout camp. The twist on this is that by current Boy Scout standards, I would have been kicked out. By religious standards, I would be canned because I am an athiest. I don’t believe there is a god, but the scouts require the believe in something. Now while being an atheist, I still follow the scout law of being reverant in that I am tolerant of other’s religious beliefs. Religion is a fascinating topic and everyone should have the freedom to worship, or to choose to not worship, whatever or whoever they please. The other point that would give me a swift kick in the pants out the doors is that I think they have gone completely batty in their anti-gay stance. I think it’s closed minded and the arguments for it are pure phobia. There’s no reason to keep gays out of the scouts, or out of anywhere for that matter.

So what did connect me with my scout friends? A big thing is what I was accepted for who I was. I did not have to make any adjustments, it did not matter that at the time my family was breaking apart, it did not matter, that I was initially a touch shy, none of that mattered at all to my friends at camp. I was accepted, even praised, for who I was.

Even more than acceptance, they were also supportive. They wanted to help people, all people. Campers, staffers, parents, who ever walked in the door, we wanted to make them the best they could be. They helped me and others in hard times. They were one of the first times in my life I felt I had a solid support system under me.

The camp staff also opened me up to ideas and activities I would have never been exposed to outside of camp. The ability to present new areas and the helpful hand to help get started in those areas, that is something the staff did almost every day. Whether it was new music, new religions, new activities, new games, new books, new movies, or whatever came your way, there was room to grow and learn.

Those three main parts, acceptance, support, and growth I realized are common across all my main groups of friends over the years. My camp staff buddies, my high school band/geek friends, and my post-college friends. I can be accepted for who I am, I get the support I need to excel, and I can continue to grow. That is what I need in my people.

What drives this home for me is the friend or group cap in college. Timeline wise, my groups are pre-high school-college summers, high school, and post college. During college, I didn’t feel I had a core group of people I could call mine or identify with. I did have friends here and there that fit my people profile, but the friends themselves were all from different groups and did not themselves cross paths. In each group I was in, something was missing to make me feel like a solid part of the group or to make the group feel like it was my people. Some groups I did not feel wholly accepted, other groups were stagnant, and others I failed to feel a support network for neither myself or any of the group members. There was always something missing that kept me from feeling a core part of it.

Heading Back

FYI heading back to the old place come November.

New Verona Dog Park

The new dog park in Verona is a winner. The dogs certainly enjoyed it and I can’t recall a time I have seen so many people and dogs there. If you have a furry friend, go there. It’s a win for all.

Highlights:

• Entrances have a small "mudroom" like area to hook and unhook your dogs before letting them into the main part of the park


• Gravel walkways. Great for muddy times


• A few large, open areas that are kept mowed for the dogs to play in

Overall, it’s a good place to be a dog.

Heard Back

I heard back from the old place and I have an offer to go back. Pondering it over the weekend and making a final decision on Monday.

Note to Whatever-Poo owners

All you people with your she-poo, or whatever-poo puppies. You paid too much money for a mutt. They are not a breed, but a mutt. The breeder just took you for a ride and ripped you off.

If you want a pet and don’t need a specific breed for a specific use, why not rescue a dog from a shelter? The shelter does testing to make sure it will be ok in a home with pets, kids, or whatever. It’s a lot cheaper than a breeder too. They might have puppies too! Though I recommend getting an older dog. You won’t have to guess what their temperament is going to be, you already know!

For those in Dane county, check out the Dane County Humane Society. You can also checkout Petfinder to find a pet from a rescue group. I recommend the Twig Project. That’s were we got one of ours from.

That Damn State Budget

So if the state budget doesn’t start to get hammered out and if the UW doesn’t get the funds it needs, there is not a happy outlook for the bane.

From the Wisconsin State Journal article:

"We have advised every campus unit to prepare plans for a mid-year budget cut representing 6.56 percent of UW-Madison’s general purpose revenue/fee base," said UW-Madison Chancellor John Wiley, in a letter to state legislators.

and later

The easy budget cuts have already been made, said UW-Madison Provost Patrick Farrell. What’s on the block now are people.

"Two years ago, we quit buying Xerox paper and all the other stuff we normally do," Farrell said. "We’ve already done that, so we’re down to cutting people."

That does not fill me with confidence about the future. :-/

Bad Move Loveline

So one of my favorite podcasts has jumped the shark and is how charging for their podcast.

I listened to Loveline just about daily, but lately it was not working anymore in Google Reader. Now I found out why. They have 10 minute samples you can listen to, but to get the full joy of the podcast you have to pay for it. So now I would have to pay for a podcast that already had ads in it. No thanks, time to find another podcast.

Dark Mental Day

Today’s not a good day. I feel down and out, like a dark veil was dropped over my mind. I don’t want to do anything, my energy is gone, and I feel like breaking down. :-/

All I really want to do is go home, lie in bed, and have Freyja next to me. Not sure why Freyja, she looks happy all the time and makes me feel comfortable when she’s next to me.

I don’t want to be around people today or do anything. Though I have to keep on working, have to keep the money coming in.

You Should Adopt A Husky!

They are fun and awesome!

More specifically, adopt this one, Sura.

Just look at her! She’s calm, young, and smart!

Why am I looking for someone to adopt her? Well, cause I want to and I know we don’t have space for a 4th husky. :-) Though we may end up fostering her for a while, who knows!

New Tech Help!

So visitors to the page might notice that new Joe’s Goals thinger over on the left. This is my attempt to keep motivated for my routine goals.

What can I say, I’m a sucker for online tools to help motivate and organize. Plus you, my faithful readers, can help keep track of how I’m doing and kick my arse back on track if the chart flatlines.

Oh No! Routine!

I’m not a fan of routine. The other option is that I am not very good at it. In either case, time to work on getting back into a solid routine. So here’s some of my routine goals:

1. Workout, even a small amount, everyday
   Need to find a good time to fit this in. It’s just a small, daily 15 minute workout. In the morning might be a good time, but a morning person I am not.


2. Work daily from 8.30-4.30
   For this, need to catch the 7.45 am bus and the 4.44 pm bus home. If I can figure out the sleep thing, this will be tons easier than camp hours


3. Breakfast. Everyday.


4. Walk the dogs after feeding them after getting home from work
   This will help for #1 and help burn some of Ulric’s energy off so he’s sleep soundly at night. I’m up for helpers to walk em, walking 3 huskies at one is a fun time. Especially if you are the only one walking them. :)

Maybe I should shoot for being like the fella who trained himself to wake up at 5.30 am everyday. That’s the time that Ulric seems to choose most of the time, so that would be a good time.

So I'm Applying

Working on the cover letter and resume as we speak (or as I type) and hope to get them submitted by Tuesday.

Stay tuned for updates.

On returning to that one place

After having a conversation with Loud at the most awesome Orton Park Festival, I have a thought to return to my former place of work. The place where I trained for 3 years.

I wouldn’t return back to that training role, but rather as a developer. Sounds like they are moving toward a web based platform. Web programming is something I am very very interested in. I now have the thought sunk into my head of applying and seeing if I can get offered a developer position. Also having more money incoming would be nice since my better half is unable to work.

So I need some help working this one out. Dear readers, all two or three of you, what do you think about me possibly applying for a developer position at that place. Is it wise to reapply after being gone a year? How much compensation to shoot for? Is it still a good place to work? Other suggestions on places to apply? Are you willing to donate me a smoker? (See this post)

Leave a comment or shoot me an email. Help the bane decide.

State Budgets

I wish the state legislature would get it’s head out of it’s collective ass and pass the state budget. Though I hope they cut a few parts of the republican version of the budget. Mainly the change to the health care costs and make the non-unionized employees have to pay more into their retirement plans to the tune of 5% and also vastly increase the cost of healthcare.

If they pass, which I don’t think they will, I get hit with a substantial pay cut and I doubt the raise will cover anywhere near the cut. The raise is also somewhere in the budget. Not sure what figure it’s at, but I doubt it’s over 2%. Even if it is passed at 2% raise, because of administrative fun I wouldn’t likely get the full 2% anyway. Plus since we’re heavy users of the health care benefits, that will also hurt us in the long run.

The bugger is there is nothing we can do to fight it right now as employees. By state law, faculty and academic staff are the only state workers who are forbidden by law to unionize. There are folks who are working to change that law and I’m throwing them my support. I don’t see any reason to ban any union.

In the off chance that they do pass, I have been doing some scenario work in my head. I can’t stop myself from mental scenario work (a.k.a. worrying), so I’ve pondered what we would have to cut, getting a part-time job to subliment pay, and even reapplying back to my old workplace. I wouldn’t shoot for my old position, but rather a position like the one I am currently in, IT.

All that will have to wait for the budget to pass, then the real planning will begin.

(Of couse the money thing wouldn’t be too much of a problem if it wasn’t for my student loans. :-/ If anyone has a lot of money to donate to a random person to help pay off student loans, I have a great candidate in mind... ME! )

DIY Bacon

Holy hell. I have to try this and soon.

Makin Bacon

Something Cheery: Banjo

With the down posts, how about one cheery one to balance things out some.

For a wedding present, one of my old friends in Illinois gave me a banjo. Said banjo has been sitting in my office gathering dust since I A.) don’t know how to play it and B.) I haven’t look for instruction on it yet.

Internet to the rescue!

On one of the I follow, Boing Boing, had a post about a gentleman who write and released free online versions of his books on learning the banjo and the guitar. Awesome!

So I will be following "The How and Tao of Old Time Banjo" in the coming weeks to get my banjo on. Sweet.

Side-effects and Withdrawal

Symptoms

So after yesterday’s upbeat post about how I am feeling, I thought I should let folks know about why I stopped taking my meds and what the withdrawal symptoms are I am coping with.

To help out with the depression, the latest drug I tried was Paroxetine, a.k.a. Paxil. I was tired of what it was doing to me. It was somewhat effective that my days emotionally improved from about a 2 on average from 1-10 to about a 5. Though it came with a physical and a mental cost I decided was not worth the slight improvement in mood.

A big one was weight gain. I swelled up like a ballon and am fatter and so out of shape. I am bigger than I have ever been and it is affecting my health now too with high cholesterol, something just about unknown in my family. Needless to say, I don’t have much physical energy. I get pathetically winded very fast.

I feel that part of why I gained so much weight was that I became intensely apathetic. Nothing really mattered. It was a bad trade off that from depression came apathy. I didn’t care about anything: the state of my health, the state of the house, maintaining bonds with my friends, work, nothing. The house started to fall into ruin since joyxiii is not well enough from the fibro to do much work around the house. She has her hands full trying to make it through the day, let along try to maintain the house while her husband is in an apathetic hole. I didn’t do any house work since what was the point really. The yard is a mess with huge weeds, tall grass, and lots of dog poo. The inside is pretty messy to since I didn’t clean up very well after the puppy made his messes. Nothing really mattered and most of the time I just wanted to sit and stare at a wall and do nothing. What was the point in doing anything else really.

The apathy is the most likely cause of the weight loss. It also is a contributor to the third side effect that I severely disliked, but those are highly personal details one doesn’t just blog about. Take a wild guess about what personal stuff I wouldn’t blog about, and you’d be most likely correct.

Withdrawal

I was so apathetic, I didn’t even want to do anything about the side effects. Once again, why bother. On a weekend down to the parents house, we forgot my medication at home. It was only a 4 day weekend, and missing a few days for most meds wouldn’t be a huge issue. Unless that is the medication fucks with your mental state, then it goes downhill very fast. When you miss even one day of paroxetine, side effects can show up and be pretty hard to cope with. The drug only has a half life of around a day if I recall correctly, so the level in your body will fall fast if you miss a dose.

On the second day of missing the dose, some of the apathy went away enough for me to realize the drug was not worth it. I decided to go cold turkey off the medicine and just suffer through the withdrawal. My worry was that if I go back on paroxetine the apathy would return and my attempt to stop using it would go down the drain. So cold turkey was the way I went. It is a hard road.

The depression has started to come back. My days are getting back down to a 2 or 3 most of the time, but at least I am getting the drive back to retake responsibility of the duties I had been ignorning. Though the withdrawal still makes it hard.

Some of what I am fighting is insomnia, constant nausea, dizziness, hyper-real dreams on the verge of severe nightmares, and the worst is the zaps.

The zaps are a common part of SSRI withdrawal. Basically what a zap is is what it sounds like, a zap of electricity throughout the entire body. Kind of like an intense dizziness with the entire body shutting down for a split second. It’s disorienting and on bad days, it can happen as often as every few seconds. When I move my eyes, every time my eyes stop moving I get a zap. If I am exerting myself, I get constant zaps. They’re not painful in anyway, but are a major hurdle to overcome. It breaks your concentrating and makes reading down right impossible at times. When the latest Harry Potter book came out for example, I couldn’t read it. Every time I went to a new line in the book, zap. It was making me nauseous and made it down right impossible to keep engaged in the book. I eventually had to get the audio book to listen to so I could finish the series.

Dealing with everything is draining. Though I would rather suffer through this than still be on the drug.

State of the Bane

Currently the side effects are still with me. I have not taken paroxetine for about a month. From what I have read, they can last as little as a few days in some to months in others. I still have a long road to go. Wish me luck, I will need it.

Once I am over these, the next step is finding a better way to manage my depression. Drugs do have some utility in controlling it, but the side effects are not worth it. Therapy has not helped either. Something has to work, I only have to find it.

My losing battle

A long time since I’ve posted here. I doubt many people will see this, but it will be a good release to get it out.

I have a disease I am losing the battle with. It is one that you can not see and one that few will even acknowledge that it exists. It is a mental illness, depression

I have tried to fight it with medication. All that has given me is side affects that are worse than being depressed along. The medications made me apathetic, unable to perform, and feeling vacant and drained. Trying to get off of them made it worse with side affects I would wish on not even my worse enemies.

I have tried to fight it with words. I have talked to professionals and good friends. It relieves some mental pressure, but the core is still there.

No matter how much I talk, how many medications I take, I still feel a crushing lonliness. I feel on the verge of breaking down all the time. The slightest thing can set me off into a depressive spiral. Where ever I go I feel a sense of expectation. Expectation that someone will come and take this loneliness away. Someone who will make the mental pain stop. Though that is naive. That is never going to happen. This is something I know I have to deal with for the rest of my life amid crys of those who do not accept it as an illness. While I try to fight my way through the darkness, they say it’s all in your head, snap out of it, you just want attention, everyone has a bad time now and get over it. If it could be that easy, I would be a much happier person. A "good" day for me is one where I do not feel the urge to just shut down. A bad day for me is being so thoroughly mentally defeated where nothing gives me the slightest bit of joy. Happiness, true happiness, is elusive to me. It has only happened a few precious times in my life. The rest of the time, the crushing loneliness takes over and I am a pathetic human being.

That is my curse and my diesease. Something I fight with my entire life knowing it will never go away. It’s hard and it’s a draining fighting something you know you can not beat.