Bad Mental Day

I am not a good friend. I want friends. Being around them makes me happy. Some of the best times of my life were with friends.

I do best with friends.

I am not good at maintaining friends.

I have little to no confidence in my social connections with people. I get racked with the feeling that I am just intruding on them. I get in with friends a lot by luck and being in the right spot. When it comes to needing to work to maintain those connections, I fail. I don't call. I feel I am being a bother. I don't visit. I feel they don't want me there. I miss out and spiral downwards.

Even if they invite, plead, and try to cajole me into coming along, visiting, hanging out, or whatever, it doesn't break through the blockade in my head. They do want me to be around, but that doesn't break through. Positives have a metal wall to break through to get in my head, while negatives, real or imagined, pass right in. I get the feeling that I'm asked along as a pity invite or that they don't want around or because it's what's expected.

Logically I know I am wrong. I know people want me around. I know people like me. I know I can be a social person.

Emotionally, I feel am a social failure.

I don't think I am making sense now. I need to go think and collect my thoughts before I start babbling more.

Kindle for iPhone

My new favorite app for my iPhone is the Kindle!

Having all my books on my phone to read we I have a free moment is
nothing short of phenomenal. I get through my books so much faster and
I don't feel like I am wasting time waiting for a meeting to start.

If only I could take my current paper books and transform them into
kindle versions.

Foster Time! Again.

We're getting another foster real soon, Tuesday if all goes well. Look for pics soon of Boo the schipperke.

Need Proper Sleep

Sleep schedule is out of whack again. The later it gets, the more awake I feel. As much as I would love to stay up late and wake up at a natural time for me, I still have to wake up for training. Boo

Belated Happy Birthday!

To my oldest cat. Snotface is 12 now. The old man is even older.

Secret Tweet

If you like Postsecret, there's something similar on twitter. Checkout Secret Tweet.

Small Victory

Diet's work'n. Belt down 2 notches.

My Cats are Awesome

Been feeling sick today, so I went up to take a short nap. Short turned into about 6+ hours of nap. Though when I went to sleep, the cats decided I needed some extra warmth so they piled on top of me. one cat on my chest, one on my left arm, and one on each leg. It's very comforting to wake up and feel the warm, purry goodness helping out.

bd Mongolian Grill

Food is decent, the grilling folks are pretty fun and have a lot of energy. Layout could use a bit of tweaking, the people flow around the grill and the salad bar are not very good at high volume times.

Generally, on par with other chain restaurants.

Weight Loss Setback

I have been dealt a blow to my weight loss project. When weighing myself this morning, I noticed that my weight jumped around when I moved the scale from place to place. Turns out, the weight has a leg on it that is impacted into the housing somehow.

That cases doubt on all the measurements I've taken since the beginning of the year. Great. So I have all this data that is now unreliable.

Now I have a new scale, so the data will be reliable from here on out. The positive outcome of the problem is that the new scale can also measure body fat. That will help me keep track of how much fat I am losing.

All in all, a hit, but a bonus too.

Ahh Denny's

After their ad for the free grand slam, I had a hankering for some good low-brow food. It was everything I thought it could be and more.

Plus it was breakfast food.

Thoughts on Direction

At work it's time for my 6 month and 1 month review... getting to them after only 1.5 years there.

One aspect of the review is a set of goals you want to achieve in the next year. This got me to thinking of what direction I want my professional career to go in. I have a clear idea of what my goals and direction should be in at my current job from my employer's perspective. Though what my goals and direction are from a personal career focus, I don't have the foggiest idea what I want or where I should go. I do know that I don't want to do this job for the rest of my life. While I am ok with my work, it's not something I can see myself doing in a longer time frame.

If this is not what I want to do then, what is it I want to do? Well, I don't know. I have a few ideas that I think would be fun to do and something I would enjoy, I don't know if it'll really be possible for me to be able to do them. Whether it be missing the skills for the job, the resources for the job, or the opportunity for the job.

There are a few job qualities I would be looking for in a long term career. A component of the job should involve some sort of manual labor. It is nice to be able to move and work the body as well as the mind during the day.

I would like to be able to use my hands to construct something, whether it be crafting or coding, I would like to be able to use my hands and make something. To be able to make something tangible would be a bonus.

Working with animals would be a bonus.

I would want to have some control over my work schedule and tasks I am to perform.

I would like to work in a field that does change over time. I wouldn't like to work in something that is static all the time. I like to have some aspect of change and variety.

I don't know what exact job would fit the bill. I am sure there are other criteria I have but can not recall actively. Until then, I don't know what to do or what direction to take.

Not all those who wander are lost... am I lost?

Taking the Long Way Home

After the Great Pothole Incident of '09, I've decided to find my way home by a different route. The normal way home has becoming a landmine filled path of sorrow.

The new way home is the back roads of Madison. The roads give me many scenic options as well as opportunities to honk at less than stellar drivers if I am having a bad day. While the drive might take a slight amount longer, my car will be injury free and I have more time to listen to my books on tape. Depending on how the commute goes, I might have to renew my audible account and get some more books on tape.

My general advice for you, avoid University Avenue west of campus. Yes, it is that bad. Try out a new route in the back roads and see some new parts of Madison you might be missing.

Another Short One

I would write longer, but I am mentally drained from the last few weeks at work. Need some time to do a mental recharge.

Bad Pain Day

Today was not a great day pain wise. My neck pretty much knocked me down and out for most of the afternoon. Not sure what tipped it off, but boy did it hurt. After some medication, that was under control for a bit. Now, I've got a migraine. Arg...

Great Weekend Start

A good time with friends is just what I needed after these past 2 weeks. Now, I think I will sleep the entire weekend. Why? Because I can.

Bus Vs EB

While the bus is fun and gives me time to play on my iPhone, it does make me feel sick. :-/

On the plus side, I get to pickup my car tomorrow so no more bus.

Pothole 1, Car 0

After working a long ass day, I manage to nail a pothole on the drive home. There was a big bang, and the control got really sluggish. Front tire is flat, back tire looks a bit off. great.

New Goal: Impressing the Doctor

My recent weight loss kick has been due partly due to my dad making a bet with me and partly due to me not wanting to be a huge, fat pig anymore. Today I added another reason to the list, I want to impress my doctor with the amount I can lose.

I had my annual physical this year. Mostly all normal news. My blood pressure is down which is good, but my cholesterol is still really high. Not surprised given how much eating of eggs for breakfast I have done the past few months. That should not be an issue to get it down again.

My doc mentioned that losing weight should be help in that field too. The doc has been pressing me to lose weight for a while. It seems like every visit it's there in the after visit summary somewhere. Well, this time I throw back at him that I am losing weight, not trying but doing, and I am on track for a 2 pounds a week rate. He was under the impression that this would not be sustainable and I would probably see that rate fall to .5 pounds a week or lower and I should be happy with losing 25 pounds in a year. If It was a really good year, 50 pounds would be amazing.

So in addition to winning the bet and getting healthy, the new reason is to lose more than 50 pounds this year to sock it to my doctor to show I can do it. I don't think this should be a problem as long as I keep my current pace and keep the 1k a day calorie deficit I am managing. That will give me 2 pounds a week and I would love to break 50 pounds in the year. 75 pounds would kick some ass.

Do I see these numbers as far fetched? No. Last time I got seriously into weight loss I managed to lose about 40 pounds in 2.5 months. Not 2 years, but I managed it in 2.5 months. That was a much higher rate of loss than I wanted, some sickness and surgery helped in that total, but I know that the 50/year is a breakable goal by keeping the healthy 2 pounds/week pace I am on.

Here's to 210 by 2010!

New York, New York

Put in my time off for going to New York in April. I'm excited. :)

Excellent Talk by Mike Rowe

Mike Rowe, if you have not seen him, is the host of Dirty Jobs on the Discovery channel. He has recently started a PR campaign to bring some honor and dignity to labor and skilled work. This talk is some how he got the idea and some of what he aims to do with it. I really recommend taking 20 minutes of your day and watching it.

What I Did Today

Nothing.

Ok, Absolutely Nothing.

Well, I did order Pizza. Veggie pizza to stay healthy.

After working for 60 hours this week, that's all I want to do. I'm so mentally drained I need some time to recharge.

Twitter

I'm working on trying out Twitter some more for small status updates throughout the day. Check out out in the links to the right or check out http://www.twitter.com/uwflatlander. It's kind of like status updates on Facebook except anyone can see them.

iPhone App Shoutout: Evernote

I love iPhone programs where you can sync it to the web for phone-less viewing. The mobile viewing is nice, but it can be a pain in the ass to enter a lot of data into the phone, especially when you have big hands. Typing on a small screen is not a fun experience at times.

I struggled a while to find a good note taking program that I could sync with my computer. Evernote fit the bill nicely and did exactly what I needed for a great price, free!

You can save notes, sort them, attached pictures, attach voice recordings and sync them to the website of the desktop client automatically. There is a monthly quote with the free account, but I have not hit close to it since I use mostly text notes. If you need more, it's about $5 a month to get the premium service which gives you a lot more storage space per month.

I use Evernote mostly for entering in shopping lists on my computer viewing at the store, taking short notes on the run, and pictures of books/games/movies I want to checkout later.

The only extra thing I would like from Evernote would be to have shared notebooks. For example, the wife could writeup a shopping list in the shared notebook for me to get when I go to the store. Even without the share notebook, Evernote is a great program to have.

Search for Evernote in the App Store and sign up at http://evernote.com. And no this is not a paid post, I just really enjoy their program.

Things Ulric Disapproves #2

Police lights.

Not sure why a police car and fire truck are outside, but Ulric is not pleased.

More Dogs at Work

So today the stress continued into the night as I tried to figure out the weirdness of the new system. I finally got it working and the one thing that really helped was the wife bringing Freyja over to work.

Even through Freyja did not do much in my cube, just sat there and went to town on a pig ear, it was nice to have someone there to reach down and pet while mulling over a hitch in the system. It's partly why I think that I work more effectivly from home since I have the cats there to give me moments to regroup and think. It certainly helps me in the high demand mental work.

Stressed, Need an Outlet

I'm still at work trying to figure out a system I know nothing about with a tight deadline and work just piling up. I can feel that I am close to the limit of what I can take. Frustration has been running rampant and giving up has been considered as an option many many times.

All this extra work comes with a price. The more I work, the amount I get per hour goes down and my private time suffers. Salary work is a bastard at times.

Resolutions A Year Later

I have been making some progress on one resolution from last year, losing weight. So far this year I have lost 4.6 pounds and I am working on keeping the 2 pounds a week pace. There is a bet with Dad to see who can lose the most weight that is helping on the motivation, but more importantly it is that I want to regain some control of my life. It's one of the few areas where there is some good right now.

The resolution I really want to work on is getting more connected with my friends. Though I am not good at keeping in touch. As the past year has shown, I am borderline horrible at it. It pains me knowing that I am missing out on a lot of big events. When I am included, it worries me that I was an afterthought. I can't blame them for leaving me out, I have not put much effort into being included. I fee like am being excluded and I stupidly don't do anything about it because I don't like forcing myself upon people if they don't want me. Sometimes I hate being me.

Wii Fitness!

Finally got my Wii Fit setup and broken in. Some of the exercises really stick it to me. Spent about 35 odd minutes on it and I can feel it. Yes, I have not been working at out much... Ok, at all.

The dogs also get confused when I am playing on the Wii. Ulric gets barky, and Freyja and Sebastian think that I am trying to play with them. Freyja also tries to lick my face when I get on the floor to do push-ups or other exercises. Oddly, it turns into a family activity!

28th Year in Review

On Wednesday, I completed my 28th year. If I were to assign it a letter grade, I would supply a D. My goals I set out at the start of next year all fell flat. My health is in decline. I weigh more than ever. I am less connected with my friends. Our debt just grew and grew and shows no signs of stopping in the coming year.

There were a few good points to the year that save if from being an F. Friends getting married, the trip to Seattle, and added a new pet to the brood who has really taken a liking to me.

For the coming year, the outlook is varied. On the good side, my brother is getting married and we are saving up to go on a trip to England next year.

On the bad side, debt is going to greatly increase. We have to fix the roof and the drain under the house at least. Saving for the trip will also take a hit in that department.

Goal wise, I have none for this year. I am not good with goals. I have grand intentions in starting things, but my follow-through is crap. I am hoping that my situations with debt, health, weight, and friends will improve. Hope does nothing without work. Work is what I need this year.

Good Things about Bitter Cold

One of the things I enjoy when it gets bitterly cold outside is my breath freezing on my beard. It feels so weird, but also kinda neat.

Things Ulric Disapproves #1:

Car doors closing across the street, down the block, in the driveway, or anywhere in the neighborhood.

Organizational Shout-Out

In my mission to get organized, I have found a friend in Toodledo. Odd name, but great to-do product. Plus they have an iPhone application (though the app not a free one, it is worth the money. The website is free though and has a premium offering for a low cost.)

Mobile to-do list ftw! Best one I've found on the iPhone so far.

Wii Fit On The Way

Thanks to the goodness of the Wii Fit Tracker, I managed to nab a Wii Fit from Circuit City! I think they had them instock for about 4 hours. Luck was on my side.

The fit has shipped and should be here on Wednesday. Good timing! Hopefully it will be the motivation to get my fat ass back into shape.

Work'n With The Dog

I intended to get ahead of the game today and went into work to get some development in before the deadline this week. Work thought otherwise. There is an upgrade going on and I couldn't do the work I needed to, which is unfortunate. I had brought Freyja with me to get her out and about and to have someone around while I was working. She had a ball. Since I couldn't do any work, we went on a tour of the office to see who was in so she could meet them. Plenty of pets and licks to the face ensued.

Add that to 2 visits to Madcat, 3 treats, and countless new people met throughout the day, Freyja had a full day. Me, I just had a good time hanging out with my dog for the day. It was a nice stress relief.

Grand Intentions Failed

I had in mind to write a post about introversion and how draining I find social events and the side affects it has had on friends/family. Though seeing as I am completely drained., here is a music video that has some fun with censor bars. Could be borderline NSFW, so you've been warned.



I'm too tired for introspection.

Snow Comes and Goes!?

The drive to work was nothing short of insane. It should not take 1.5 hours to get to work. People really do not know how do drive in the snow. We got more than 100" of it last year, how can you now know how to drive in it? Damn.

The drive home easier though. Using my off-the-main-roads route I got through downtown ok and in a good time. It actually was close to my normal drive time, maybe only 10 minutes longer. I was kinda disappointed really. I was listening to a podcast and was hoping I could get through it all in the car. Luck was not on my side there, but it helped my sanity somewhat.

Where luck was on my side was the sidewalk and the driveway. When I got home, I parked in the snowy street since I had to shovel the sidewalk. It's a pain to have to shovel off the snow after it's been compacted to hell and back by a car tire. It would be easier to use a ice pick than a shovel sometimes.

As I was getting out of the car, I had to do a double take. Were the hell was the snow on the sidewalk and driveway? I don't remember the wife saying she did it, and why do the lines look so clean? Someone had used a snow blower on the sidewalk and driveway.

Holy Hell! I was happy in that I didn't have to do it (well, I still had to shovel the path to the door and the roof. I would be really impressed to see a snow blower up there helping combat the damn ice dams.) and puzzled as to who did do it. Looking down the block, they had also done 2 of my neighbors sidewalks as well. Color me impressed!

The work was greatly reduced (my arm was thankful for that) and I got to play with the dogs in the back yard a bit. All in all, a good win. I only wish I knew who did it so I can thank them. Maybe next time it snows I will stay home and try to catch the good Samaritan in the act... I feel bad having someone doing the work and not being able to thank them!

New Computer!

The office PC died, so now I have a new PC!

Nothing huge expensive, but a nice upgrade from the old one. Now the next step is a new monitor. Maybe I can treat myself to a new LCD as a birthday present. Bronx will be pissed though since he won't have a nice, warm monitor to sleep on.

My Arm Returns To Normality (Somewhat)

I can actually feel my left arm now! Woot!

After all the fun neurological tests (I never want to have an EMG AGAIN), the source of the problems with my left arm was unknown. However, my physical therapist seems to have found the source.

A combination of tight muscles and tight nerves in my shoulder shut down most of the nerve messages going down to my arm. The result was the weird feelings of no feeling I was having and the lose of strength. After doing some simple stretches for a week, I can feel it again! Happy Day!

While the stretches have solved the nerve issue, the muscle issue will take a while longer to work itself out. It takes much longer to get the strength back.

I am amazed it was so easy to fix. The hardest part of the fix is the sleeping changes. It's hard to not sleep on the left side of my body or on my stomach, my preferred sleeping positions. Now I have to force myself to the right or the back and that is not comfortable at all. It takes a long time to get to sleep and the sleep I get is crap most of the time.

At least if I wake up at night, the cats are there to amuse/annoy me till I fall back to sleep.

Pet Hair

Somewhere I heard the benchmark that you need to change your furnace filter every 3 months.

My Dad told me he heard that if you have a pet, you should change it about every month.

So for each pet, the time gets reduced to 1/3. With 8 pets, if the same reduction holds the life time of a filter with 8 pets in the house is 1/6561 of the normal time. So we should be changing our filter every 20 minutes (19.75 to be exact).

I think I'll stick with the every month, every 2 weeks at the shortest. I tried going 3 months at one time and man o man was that filter dirty. The amount of hair in this house is amazing. At least I am not contributing much to that total. :)

Wii Fits

are no where to be found. Well, nowhere to be found at normal retail price.

Damn You Supply And Demand!

Unofficial 9th Pet!

Welcome to the house Bun-Bun the rabbit!

We didn't get a new pet, but instead the pet got us. Plus it is not really a pet, it's a house guest. Then again it's not a house guest, it's a porch/under the car guest (Don't worry! I check under the car before I leave.) I see it's tracks on the snow out front and find tracks under the cars from time to time.

Here's to a long life Bun-Bun!

Btw, the name is from a comic I read called Sluggy. The bunny in the comic is a homicidal maniac who has managed to kill Santa. I am hoping the Bun-Bun under the stairs is not a murdering lunatic. :)

The Clear Cup Policy

I completely failed on losing weight last year. Quite the opposite, I gained a bit. So this year my Dad has thrown down the challenge that if I lose more weight than him before my brother's wedding, I could get a flat screen out of it. There's some fine motivation for ya.

To try to lose weight, I am implementing the clear glass policy. Whatever I drink at home has to go into my clear plastic cup and it has to be clear too. Well, to be more specific water only. :) Vodka is not an option. Hopefully this can get me into the habit of drinking more water and less soda.

Overall, not a awesome idea, but a start. I want to only be drinking water, tea, etc that is calorie free. How I have been eating, it will be a significant hit to my intake for the day. Been too lax on controlling my soda intake, been drinking way too much.

Cats <3 The Bathroom

It's always a puzzler on why the cats love to be in the bathroom with you. Wander in the bathroom at our house, and 2-3 cats will follow and bug you in there. If they are really bored, you can find all 5 wandering in after you. Not sure why the heck they want to visit with you, but they do.

If you want Brooklyn to visit, all you need to do is turn on the water in the tub. She loves hanging out while someone's in the bath.

2009 Preview: The House

2008 the house attacked, and in 2009 it's time to strike back. There's a lot of work to be done, it's pretty overwhelming.

1. Redo the sewer connection so we don't have a flooded basement and can do laundry at the house again
2. Redo the roof. It's newer shingles, but not the best job. It's got 3 layers of shingles (against regulations, 2 is the limit) and is prone to some leakage and ice dams
3. Replace the carpet on the stairs with laminate. This one's gonna be a challenge, we're hoping to do it ourselves but I have no clue how to do it
4. Convert upstairs room to an office. And lay down laminate too. The room has the carpet ripped up, but needs the laminate on it.
5. Possibly replace the furnace, but defiantly change the furnace vent to not go into the chimney. After rerouting the pipe, remove the old chimney. Most likely this would have to be done before replacing the roof.
6. Redo the entire bathroom. The last owners butchered the bathroom in their attempts to renovate it.

1, 2, and 5 have to be done this year. The others I would like to get to this year if we can. Finances are going to be the main factor as the revisions won't come cheap and we have a trip to England to save up for next year.

Why Hello 2009

I'm rolling in 2009 in style, sitting on the couch with Freyja's head on my knee while the vicodin take's away the pain from my next and shoulders. I know, you're envious.

Looking back over 2008, it wasn't the best of years for me. It wasn't the worse either. I would place it in the lower 1/4th. I completely biffed on my resolutions from last year and my health has been on the decline.

Here's to hoping 2009 will bring an upswing in health, friends, and family.